Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
And the cops told us we were all naked.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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