When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
