I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
