i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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