I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Dick very happy bro
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
