I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
