imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
