When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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