why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
