And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I have already put on my inside pants.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize