You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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