I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
