didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
