just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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