Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize