TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
