i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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