i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize