I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
