Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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