i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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