The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize