I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
