I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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