Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
