suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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