Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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