The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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