Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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