i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
