It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
