i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
