so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I need to sanitize my soul.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
