1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
