did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
