i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
how does that bad decision feel?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
