I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
