exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
