a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize