I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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