One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
