So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
