I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Let's paint friendship bongs
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
