you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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