some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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