So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
