So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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