I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
