suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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