kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
