Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
