and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
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