ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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