i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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