i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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