I'm really into asian looking animals
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
