If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
