I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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