The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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