This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
