I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Randomize