Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
