I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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