Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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