Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
