I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
