Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
