So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
